I don’t often write poetry but when I do it’s about being trans.
Change… transition
I’m in a constant state of transition and only when enough time has passed do I notice I’ve changed
I can’t stop
I burned bridges and re-built them from the ashes, shakily, stone by stone
Never alone, even when I felt like I was
I changed
coasts
timezones
weather patterns
clothes
what i eat
who i hang with
what i wear
I buzzed my head and dyed it red
I got tattoos and piercings
What more can I change?
With every transition, change, I feel myself getting closer to myself
The fullness of my self expression
I lost the child within me
I’m looking for them
I add to peel away layers
Pink hair because five year old Miryam would
No dresses, ever, because five year old Miryam hated them
The more I change the more I become myself
Change as a coming back
Transition to return
Who am I when I can be whoever I want to be?
When do I feel most myself?
Giggling at a drag show
Kings and queens and Spongebob jokes
Tickled by my chest hair
A pure expression of childlike joy
I don’t know if I ever felt dysphoria
I know now that I feel euphoria
I want to swim in an ice cold pool of it on a scorching summer day
Transition to return
To a sense of self I know I once had
Buried deep within
Someone who knows who they are
Loves themselves
Emanates joy
Real joy, not a performance
I want to be around people I can feel like myself around
When I am I bloom
Not the center but I feel centered
Grounded
Euphoric
Alive
Loved for my flaws
Trusted and true
Allowed to fail, to be imperfect, to stumble
Without expectations
No more expectations
Let me show up as I am
A flawed, bubbly dude
This is a letter
To myself
Even though it was written
With someone else in mind
When I project rejection and disapproval
I am preemptively rejecting and disapproving of myself
It’s ok though, I am learning
I will be kind to myself
I deserve it
I am worthy
(It’s so cliche, but I have to remind myself)
Allow myself to be
To follow my instincts and trust myself
Do the things that bring me joy
Let go of the things that bring me pain
Not because I am stronger or better than
But because I am worthy
It’s so hard to share this and not want to puke my whole soul out of my butt, but here we are. Be nice to me!!!!!!!!! Thank you.
“I add to peel away layers” !!!!!
Adding to my favorite trans poems.